Jump Around

Late night writing.

That's what blogs are for. 

In the mid-2000s (I started to write, "a decade ago" but couldn't bring myself to do that because it made me feel old), when I was seriously using this blog as a platform for expressing my thoughts into the void, I wrote primarily at night, after a day of doing "stuff". Since I've been working full-time, I've been going to bed earlier, not spending an hour or so trying to craft something worthwhile.

Identity

If you were to ask me what my interests were a decade ago I could easily list them. If you asked today, my first instinct would be rely on that old list; a list that was carefully crafted by twenty-something me to fully encapsulate who I was in short eight to ten point list. But I'm not so sure it would be a good reflection of me today.

So I think I should make a new list. Why? Simply as an exercise in self-reflection. I figure that the list was more important when I was single and dating because you're meeting tons of new people and you're trying to seem as attractive and interesting as possible. I don't have that issues anymore but I think it's still a good idea to reflect on who you are as now rather than relying on previous creating personas.

Here are the main three points from the old list (mid-twenties):

• Reading. I used to read lots of novels and non-fiction books. Today, not so much. I read probably just as much but it's online articles, opinion pieces, and such. Still read comic books, but don't spend hours or days just re-reading them (I've actually been thinking about what to do with my collection since it seems to be just sitting there. There's no real monetary value in them). I will say I'm probably more informed about current events than I was previously, but that's probably because of the Internet. 
• Music. I was OBSESSED with popular music. I still have opinions and like/dislike things but I don't spend nearly as much time listening to music. Two main causes - podcasts and communing. My listening habits have shifted to podcasts instead of music. Making dinner, doing laundry, etc now have a soundtrack of people talking rather musical instruments. Also I don't a long commune anymore so the 1-2 hours a day I'd spend in transit don't happen anymore. Also my job isn't headphone friendly (meaning I don't have hours in front of screen doing work that I can put background music on for). Add to the fact I don't spend all my free time seeking out new music means it's less of a factor in my life now. 
• Camping. I don't camp as much as I used to but I'm spending more time outdoors these days. Thought I was an indoor kid (re-writing personal history to delete all the time I spent outside in my childhood) but it seems I'm a hybrid indoor/outdoor kid. While in school (high school & university), I spent a lot of time camping. After that it was less and less. 
• Education. It was all I had known. Didn't have a career so academic status and culture were very important to me. Saw education as a sign of intelligence. Now, I know it isn't that. 

Ok, enough with the past. Let's see what my new list would look like.

1. Using Technology
2. Exploration (trying new foods, visiting new places, seeing what's around the corner)
3. Comic Book Culture (not general nerd culture; I'm focused on comic-related stuff)
4. Sharing Interests (telling stories, explaining a topic/subject)

I'm going to leave this as is right now. I'm need some more time to consider exactly what I'm saying with these points. 

Caravan

I'm listening to the Juan Tizol composition as I write the beginning of this post. The version I'm listening to is from Monkey Jungle, an album that featured Duke Ellington playing piano with bassist Charles Mingus and drummer Max Roach. It's probably my favourite jazz record. I like how chaotic is sounds, with the musicians' different styles playing off each other.

Anyway....

End of the academic year (June) was not unexpectedly a busy time for me. Aside from the usual testing and administrative tasks, I was also tasked with creating a "celebrating success" booklet and an end of year video. Got both done, but it meant that at the end of the day I had little focus left to write a follow-up June's blog post.

So I'm here now, twelve days into the new month. Applied for a job, went through three rounds of interviews and didn't get it. Silver lining - don't think I would have been terribly good at it.

So now I've got the summer to focus on "me" projects (as promised in my last post). Here's my public list:

1. Continue with my current regiment of two hikes a week, averaging between 22 & 25 kilometers a week. So far I've been doing good, not injuring myself or doing anything terribly silly. This needs to continue for the next month and a half.
2. Cooking at home more often, even if this means going to the grocery store two to three times a week. The last couple of weeks have been bad, and it's affected my budget. 
3. Listen to some new music. Been better about it lately but need more new music. 
4. Create new ideas for next year (including getting learners to create audio podcasts).
5. Buy and create my personal website (maybe even business cards). This will be an area where I can write and create documents, tasks, and resources for my portfolio.

That's the short list. There are other things like organize my comics but I'm less sure I'll get that done with my three weeks of scattered "vacation" time. 

Oh, saw two acts during NXNE - St. Vincent & Run the Jewels. Both were excellent, but St. Vincent was on another level. She's fantastic and it made me love her newest record even more. 

Interaction

How do you interact with people online? Short and sweet. I'd publish this on tumblr but that's where I'm having difficult navigating the etiquette. You can follow people, like things, and such BUT like in real life, how can you do so without it being awkward. That's the question. I don't expect an answer or anything. Just wondering. I'm taking the approach of being overly cautious and polite, which is my standard approach.

Lie to me, I promise to believe

Love, however, has its own dialectic. There was a young girl I was once in love with. Last summer at the theatre in Dresden I saw an actress who bore a deceptive resemblance to her. Because of this I wanted to make her acquaintance, and succeeded, and then convinced myself that there was a quite considerable difference all the same. Today I met a lady on the street who reminded me of that actress. This story can go on as long as you like. 

Soren Kierkegaard, Either/Or, pg 344-345 (Penguin Classics)

I picked the title because I found a clip of Lorde and Haim doing a cover of the Sheryl Crow song "Strong Enough". 

I then randomly opened up to a page in Either/Or. That's the first bit I saw. Not sure if they relate to each other but it's certainly interesting. 

Give me a couple of days to think about this. 

Visiting Another World

Just got back from a short trip to DC. It was great. There was so much to see along the Mall and you can pretty much walk everywhere. All the museums and galleries  are free, which is great because you don't feel forced to stay in them longer than you want to justify the admission. Going to DC really gives you an insight into the American psych; what the founders, and their heirs, want the people to believe America is about. I thought I understood the idea of American Exceptionalism but I really didn't. It's something else. And I'm not sure it's for me. I get you can live in a country like the US and not buy into the propaganda. Washington is built to make you believe. They were in the business of myth making, something that Canada lacks. Now I want to visit Ottawa to compare. 

Days like these

In an attempt to be creative, I'm ditching work tonight to write on my blog in order to keep my promise of posting something longer at the end of the month.

...And I can't think of anything to write. I know I'm not a writer. I've read a bunch of posts on tumblr from different writers talking about the craft (yes, I'm using something on tumblr as an authoritative source in this matter). I don't have the compulsion to write everyday. I don't have stories bursting out of me or an inquisitive mind that needs to report on some troubling aspect of the world. I'm an amateur and that's the way I like it. It's nice to have moments to write something to keep to myself. 

Saw The Stories We Tell a couple of weeks ago. It was fantastic. Got me thinking about memory, stories, and persona more so than usual. Not reliving my life but thinking about WHAT happened (Did I construct parts of that event? Did it happen the way I think it did?), HOW it affects me now, and most importantly HOW I remember it (Has how I think about it has changed over time?). These are fundamental questions of human existence; the unexamined life and all. 

Ok, that last paragraph is a little bit of a mess. I'm going to leave it in as a quote. Here's what I was trying to get at - I take the Socrates quote regarding the unexamined life seriously. The only thing I can truly control is HOW interpret my memories into stories I tell. I pick and choose what parts of my life fit with my current personality and discard the rest. You do need to, from time to time, reflect and sometimes confront who you were. This is how we build self-esteem and have self-worth. I'm not an anxious person but like everyone I do have those random embarrassing memories float to the top of my mind every so often. All I can do is acknowledge them and move on. Regardless on how this sounds, I think this process is necessary in order to be an interesting person. 

Guess when given enough time I can find something to write about. 

Friends help each other when they're in a pinch

So… It’s a question that many adults ask - how do you make friends as an adult? 

I realize this is a common question. I also know there are some very obvious answers but I'm not sure if they work. Someone told me to join a club. So I did. I've meet some fun people but we've really only got the one thing in common. While I work with some good people, they're at different points in their life than me.I whining a bit but it's a concern of mine.  

I was trying to think of witty ways to discuss this but it's starting to bug me a bit.

Holiday Project - Day 11

List of My Year

I like making lists, especially personal ones. Gives me an opportunity to write and reflect upon my experiences. End of year lists are the best for this. Today's post is about what's happened to me this year. It's a little self-involved but it lets me be thankful for everything that's happened and remember all the good things. Going to use bullet points because I don't want to rank anything.

• Grand Canyon Trip (August) - So let's start with the small negative; didn't make it to the bottom. Hurt my leg two months before going and wasn't comfortable after I began the hike down that I could complete it. Probably could have done it but wasn't going to take a chance. But I tried and then the following day did another short hike below the rim (the difference between the two trips was weight of my pack). Overall, however, I enjoyed my hike and I'm glad I did what I did. Phoenix was a great city to spend a couple of days in. I want to go back.
  But the highlight was seeing my cousin and his family. In fact, it was his entire extended family, including my uncle and his wife's parents. It was great. Hopefully this is the start of more trips to visit family all across the continent. 
• Completed Math AQ (Additional Qualification) Course - This was something I had meant to do for a while. It was nice but I learned a lot. Glad I had the opportunity and I do like being in school.
• Working for the school board - Isn't everything I thought it would be. It's a good experience because I'm learning how other instructors do things. The students are all adults so you can ask them for feedback. A little worried that unless I do some serious networking, I won't find any opportunities for advancement to full-time. 
• Becoming a volunteer with outdoor club - This has been the source of biggest change in my health. By simply going on an outdoor event, usually a hike, once a week I feel that much better. I'm a little bit stronger and it means I don't just sit at home all the time. I've met some interesting people as well, which is nice since it isn't easy to meet people in thirties. 
• Working at community literacy organization - There have been challenges this year at work (most due to funding issues) but I still enjoy the work. Over the last two years I've learned so much. It lets me expanded my teaching style, and develop teaching materials that suit my classroom. I'm getting better and it gets easier. What I need to continue working on is record keeping and organizational skills. It's much better than when I started. 
• My partner's new found interest in healthy cooking - This has been a big change for me because for the majority of our relationship I've been the person who cooks. Now she does. And it means we've had different food and it's been great. I'm glad she's taken an interest because it means we don't have to rely on what I can make/want to make. She's better at picking health choices so this is good. Also means we might go out a little less. 

Happy New Year everyone. Hope anyone who reads this has a good 2014. 

Holiday Project - Day 1

I last went into the office on Tuesday. I haven't touch any of small projects since Thursday (hopefully I get back to those tomorrow). 

While I have other random tasks to do, my personal growth project is writing once per day for the next two weeks. There will be some themes in order to help me. A couple of those posts will be the usual "best of" lists broken down into five main categories (music, movies, television, comics books, and other). 

So here's the thing - I'm trying to reflect on this past year. It's been a good year. This year was my first working for a public school board. I've started paying into a pension plan. It's only causal work right now but I'm in and that's the most important part. 

And this has been a boost to myself confidence. A couple of years ago, before I got my job working at a non-profit community literacy organization, I  felt I wasn't amounting to much. That I wasn't living up to my potential, taking the easy road of just getting by. Now, I know I'm doing good work and feel good about telling people what I do. That makes all the difference in the world. It's a cliche but it's true. 

My Favourite, Not Theirs

There's been TONS of press regarding the Replacements' reunion shows. Most of the reviews I've read seem to think that the shows were fine, which I would agree with. I liked seeing them. They played the "hits" and it wasn't embarrassing, which sadly can't be said for most reunions. I waited almost a month to let it sit with me. I'll be doing the same thing with my thoughts on Breaking Bad.

Got me thinking about which Replacements album was my favourite. From my point of view, there isn't ONE album that I consider their best. I mean, some people really like Let It Be while others prefer Don't Tell a Soul. Some support Tim, their major label debut, and many think Please To Meet Me is their crowning glory. I've been all over the place. When I first started listening to the Replacements I really like Don't Tell a Soul. I now realized that the artists I was listening to in the early 2000's were ripping off the ballads off that record. Now that I've settle into a early 80's American hardcore disposition, Westerberg & Company's earlier work sounds better to me. For all the production mistakes, Tim is my favourite at the moment.

So here's the question that came up while I was thinking about my favourite Replacements album - What happens when your favourite album by an artist isn't generally thought of as their best work? How do you react? Does it happen often with you? Probably doesn't really matter to most people. I realize that as an adult whose identity shouldn't be still tied to the ability "like" the critically acceptable but, yeah, I haven't changed that much.

Miss May

Seems like I didn't have anything to say for the most of May. What happened? Usually I write on the weekends - Saturday nights or Sunday morning. Instead I got out into the world, visited with family, discovered the city, begin preparing for my summer trip, study for a math test (not really, but I did watch some videos and do random questions), work very randomly in the evenings, and playing with multimedia gadgets. Weeknights are usually spent either substituting, preparing for the next day, or simply relaxing at the end of the day.

Been watching two TV series on Netflix - Top of the Lake and the new season of Arrested Development. This is on top of my random cartoons (really enjoying Justice League Unlimited).

Okay on to the introspective moments. Just quick preamble - I hope my language doesn't come off as judgmental but it's entirely possible it will. I'm just writing down some thoughts that have been on my mind for a while. So, basically I'm saying I might sound like a dick. I'm trying hard to change.

Contemplation. Do people actually engage in this activity? I'm not talking about worrying or gossiping. I'm talking about taking an idea (which can be a memory) and actively think about it in a serious way. This doesn't require huge intellect or emotional maturity. It does require dissecting a thought and not simple accepting things at face value.

Don't know where I'm going with this. There are just parts of society that I leave me puzzled. I know people have circumstances and histories that affect their behavior but still... Guess I'm apart of the cross section of society that prefers civility to arguments. I know civility won't solve many problems because oppression, privilege, and equality require some sort of confrontation and change. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the discourse in mundane activities. I think what I'm trying to say is don't be rude, especially on the Internet. There's really no need for it.

My big revelation is this - if people actually thought, contemplated, their actions we'd all be better off.

This hasn't been as successful I wished. I might delete part of this.

Good Afternoon

I thought I knew the city of Toronto. I thought I had walked many of its streets and seen many of most the interesting sights. I was wrong. Hiking through the many trails these last couple of months has opened my eyes. And now my new job as a supply instructor as me travelling to suburbs, seeing even more. But I knew I had never been to those places. I had driven past them but that's it.

Today took the cake. I decided to meet my gf along the Danforth and decided to walk there, taking a new route. And what did I see? Things like the sign below. And a row of houses built in 1913 that had a rather large looking industrial looking chimney in the middle of a residential area. There's little bits of history hidden all around the city.

Anyway, I love this city.

Less Sexism, More Awesome

I love superhero comic books but sometimes they go too far. The Hawkeye Initiative is great satire. I also like this site for the same reason. Artists need to learn how to draw without over exaggeration, especially female characters.

Also got my physical copy of indie comic by this artist. Don't know much about this artist but I'm excited to see what comes next.

If you've been to one, you've been to them all

So here's my report about my Fan Expo, Toronto's yearly comics, anime, sci-fi, horror, and gaming convention, experience. It was crowded, difficult to navigate, and generally just "okay".

Fan Expo is getting bigger, and more corporate, with every year. Last time I was there, comics came first, everything else was secondary; a decade changes a lot of things. Now the comic vendors and artists are crammed into a small space while celebrity guests and video game companies get huge swathes of the floor. I understand that those are the big money makers, but as a fan of comic books, it's disappointing. That and the fact Marvel and DC displays weren't really anything special, just giant displays for the media products (Marvel's was especially bad). Also, all the independent publisher were absent. Guess the Toronto Comic Arts Festival has become their stomping ground. I used to love getting good indie books at these shows. Only indies there were selling the type of books I don't buy (read this wiki on "bad girls art") So unless I want to overpay for some back issues, or stand in lines for hours there's not much worth paying big $$$ for (the ticket price for Saturday was $50). Even the cosplay aspect has gotten a little old but that's probably 'cause I'm not really into it (and I don't get all the game/anime references, of which there are many).

But it's nice to see that people feel comfort showing their love for things a little nerdy. Just don't know if I feel comfortable there any more. That's my problem and now I know not overpay for this.

Torn Curtain

As I find myself writing quite a bit for my current job. Almost all of my previous jobs required some measure of this but now it's almost all I do (aside from teach and fix computers). Whether memos, worksheets, instructions, or emails, the importance of editing and re-reading has become more apparent than ever. It's a good thing I've finally become comfortable with my writing.

While in school editing and revising were the parts I HATED the most because I wasn't a strong writer. My teachers used to say that my thought came to me faster than I could write/type so my work was filled with missing words, half-finished thoughts, and general disarray. Having other people, including my parents, read aloud my work made me feel stupid because all of the errors obvious. And, being a child educated in the Ontario public system during the 80s, I wasn't taught grammar very well (hooked on phonics definitely didn't work for me). It didn't get better in high school or university. I mean, eventually I learned enough to edit my work in order to get a decent grade. There were several papers where the content and ideas would be excellent but my mistakes would easily cost a grade point. I made my way through university with the help of patient friends, family, and writing centres (okay, I only went to a writing centre once but still).

It was only after university, when I really got into writing on this blog, that I truly learned to pause and fix mistakes without feeling stupid. This is key. I got better with more practice and then it got easier to write. I started reading books about basic writing techniques and it got even better and easier to write. Actually reading the rules of grammar really helped me understand the structure of writing. You'd think that studying semiotics I would have known all this before but I didn't make the connection. I had final internalized some of those rules and it made all the difference.

Now I usually wait a day or so before I post a long post (like this one). I re-reading the whole thing once or twice trying to catch mistakes and make sentences/paragraphs flow better. I still get lazy and post without properly editing. That means I'll read it later and change stuff. I actually feel good about doing this. My words aren't precious. I feel like I can express myself better, even if I have to go back and change entire paragraphs (just did this with my "listening to" post from a couple weeks ago).

Security Blanket

Seems like every couple of months there's another story about passwords getting hacked and how bad people's password choices are. Recently, I've had first hand experience trying to educate people about how create secure passwords, but I get the same response; "it's hard to remember [insert number] unique passwords." And I agree. My solution has been to create super unique passwords, changed at random intervals, for the most important sites I visit regularly (email, bank, Facebook, etc.) and for everything else I store in a password manager like LastPass. I used to rely on Firefox's password manager but since I've started using Chrome along with Firefox, it doesn't work as well.

I'm including a link to a presentation I created on Internet Security along with the embedded viewer. It isn't perfect (a little wordy and full of jargon) but it's a good start. I'm working fixing it because it's something that needs to be addressed. I'll probably try to include some worksheets with questions like "what words should be avoided?"

 

Listening to Songs About...

Nostalgia is a strange thing. Had a conversation last night with an old friend I hadn't seen in six years about it.   Been thinking about it (again) because I've been listening to lots of my favourite albums. I always wonder if my favourite albums are objectively good or if I just associate positive memories with them. So here are the results from my exhaustive critical listening*.

Dillinger Four - Midwestern Songs of the Americas 
Minneapolis late-90s punk.
Verdict: Loud, aggressive punk that has aged well. 


Weezer - Pinkerton
Quintessential alternative rock, proto-emo album.
Verdict: It was my favourite Weezer album for a long time but the themes don't resonate as much as they once did. Guess I'm not as filled with angst as my teen-aged self.


Uncle Tupelo - Anodyne 
From the band whose first album defined a genre (No Depression Country).
Verdict: This album helped transition my love of Punk/Indie to Americana/Country. Still has the energy and lyrical content to move me today. Troubles me that my favourite song is the only cover on the album.

Rancid - ...And Out Come the Wolves
Clash-esque pop punk.
Verdict: This album has lost a lot of appeal. Songs are still catchy but the production hasn't aged well at all. In high school, my friends and I swore by this record. Formed cover bands and everything. Don't think I'd manage that kind of passion for this now. 

Elliott Smith - XO
Beautifully layered pop music with touching lyrics.
Verdict: Yeah, still sad and still beautiful.

Guided By Voices - Bee Thousands
lo-fi gods from Dayton, OH.
Verdict: One of my best friends absolutely loves GBV and he got me into them. First exposure to them was their later major label efforts but Bee Thousands is the one I liked best. While some of the songs were never good, the good ones seemed to have gotten a bit better.

New Pornographers - Challengers
Canadian power pop supergroup.
Verdict: As I going through my iPod, this New Pornographers album jumped out at me. While there are great songs on their first three albums, I find this sounds like an album instead of a loose collection of songs. Lots of sing-a-long choruses.

Wilco - Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
My favourite album by my favourite band.
Verdict: This album has the most nostalgia for me. I loved this album and must have listened to it hundreds during my second year of university. When I put this one on, I had to avoid just letting it take me back. While parts of other Wilco albums are musically better, overall this album still stands up. I also still knew the words to every song.

*Yeah, there was no rhythm or reason to how did this.

I thought it was already as heavy as it could be

Victoria Day holiday. Woke up surprisingly early for no apparent reason. Been up for a couple of hours so I feel like I've been super productive because I've actually got some stuff done before 9am. Used to believe I was a night owl but I think I'm just a slave to routine; seven hours of sleep and I'm up, regardless of schedule. Unable to change my schedule quickly, and if I don't get enough sleep I'm prone to sickness (nothing serious, just colds/sniffles).

I'm plans for the weekend evolved quickly from family BBQ dinner to actually doing stuff. Yesterday spent the afternoon exploring the parks near Old Mill Station. It was fantastic. My friend is involved with a local outdoor awareness school and I got to partake in their "tracking club". Probably go back next time as well, especially if it isn't raining.

Trying to make an effort to get out and meet people/join groups. Due to a fluctuating work schedule, I found myself unable to participate in scheduled hobbies. It was a little isolating but was mitigated by doing awesome fun things with my partner.Also having the entire weekend off is nice and helps. I used to have Sunday/Monday off, which was okay because it gave me and my partner one together to get everything we needed/wanted to get done. Monday was usually a write off, spent doing A) nothing (also known as video games) or B) running errands. A surprising amount of things are closed on Mondays, especially barbers. Now that I have a regular Monday-Friday, with my entire weekend off, it's easier to plan/schedule things and also not be rushed to cram it all into one day. 

Okay, now she's awake and I'm going to convince her to get brunch at the George Street Diner. Haven't ever been there and hope they're open on the holiday Monday. Rest of the day will be spent playing video games. 

National Park Service

I need to get a haircut.

I always forget to get my haircut in a timely fashion. Since it doesn't seem like a pressing concern, I leave it for a while then BOOM! I've got really shaggy hair. It happens every time. Instead of getting the usual 9-10 haircuts a year I average about 5-6. In many ways it doesn't really matter but it also does. I've decide to start using my calendar and mark when I need to get another haircut. This way I can budget for it, make an appointment if necessary, and generally look more presentable all the time.

Small changes, people. Small changes.